Maybe, its the season but I can not say. Like every little girl’s fantasy to one day, grow up to become a beautiful woman, meet her prince-charming and live happily ever after. (Cinderella’s story can never be erased from my head ;)).
Last month, I was planning a surprise birthday for my best friend, Tina with Sam, her boyfriend and he told me he was going to propose to her. I was so excited and started creating scenarios on how he would propose to her. Because I knew that would really make her happy and it was time for their relationship to head toward that direction. Then, I saw the ring on her finger, it was so beautiful and we gist about the proposal moment. I could feel the love in her eyes but was never jealous about it because I wanted that for both of them since I was the matchmaker in their relationship.
A week later, Serena (a friend & sister) ping me that she has fixed the date for her court wedding. I also knew that was coming because she has been buzzing me about it for a while. But then again it occurred to me that her relationship began the same time as mine 😉 . And like every good friend, I was so happy and seeking to be involved in her wedding plans.
Surprisingly,two days later, Pamela (close friend to Tina and I) called to tell me she just got engaged. Wow!!! :O I almost hit a recharge card vendor guy, my saving grace was that I was close to my house and had enough space to maneuver my car to another direction. I drove into my premise hurriedly because I wouldn’t wait to call Pamela to get all the details. Sadly, MTN. Airtel & Etisalat did not help matters, the calls kept on cutting off.
After 30 minutes bits of on and off calls, I was able to get the full story and once again I said the cliche sentence, ‘I am so happy for you’ even went on to pray for them. When the call was over, my mood changed (thank God, she wasn’t there to see my face), I was thinking about my relationships (past and present), my heart was heavy, I slept worried that night. I tried getting through to Arthur, my boyfriend hoping that talking with him will calm me down but he did not pick my call and he sent an SMS that he was still at the office in busy in a meeting and would call me later (but he never did).
The last straw was last week, when an old friend called me out of the blue to say she was getting married in October and wanted me to be involved in her wedding 😦 . I could feel my heavy eyes, I had to compose myself because I was in the office and did not want to draw any attention to myself.I updated my bbm status to wish all my engaged girlfriends God’s blessing on their future.
I was happy for them but was I right to feel this miserable or hurt or jealous, was I becoming a bridesmaid lady or wedding planner and I want to a bride too. How can I concentrate when four girlfriends are getting engaged and planning weddings in least than two weeks? What was the bases of my annoyance, was I scared that Arthur might hurt me like others or scared of not knowing when he would be ready for marriage since we have never spoken about it?
I decided to source for some form of inspiration from a novel; Lady in Waiting by Jackie Kendall & Debby Jones given to me by my sister. A quote in the first chapter, hit some senses into my big skull, “…………………………A woman is not born a woman. Nor does she become one when she marries a MAN, bears a child and does their dirty linen, not even when she joins a women’s liberation movement. A woman becomes a WOMAN when she becomes what God wants her to be.” There it was, right before my eyes I must first be concerned about my relationship with God before a man.
A male lecturer, once told the ladies in my class that our youthful life was short because when we got married, we become women and can’t live our lives free- spirited or adventurous because of responsibilities bestowed upon us as a Married Woman and men enjoy their youthfulness forever (Confused). It just makes me realize how selfish my lecturer or some men were to women. Women do have their responsibilities as married woman or single ladies to the men in their lives and they strive to keep them faithfully but that can’t be said for MEN.
Well, after deep thoughts, I decided that the good news about my friends was not worth my sadness or depression. I must live for today and let fate decide my tomorrow.
I do believe, God has drafted a list of single ladies that are going to be married soon and it just happens that most on my friends’ names were close on the list. I can’t say what my number is on the list or when my fairy tale wedding will be but one thing I know for sure is that my name is on that LIST and I’m just a Lady in Waiting……………………………………………………
(Please, note that the names in this story are fictional)