The Age Factor

I have often wondered at what age was right for a lady to know when to get married. From time immemorial, religious leaders, relationship therapists or shrinks, parents, scientists have debated on this topic and have  provided various opinions. Some have said it is right for a lady to get married between the ages of 13 -15, others say 18 years of age , some say 20’s and very few people say 30 years of age is okay for a lady to get married.

It was 8:47am, on a Saturday morning; I was still in my dream world when I felt my phone vibrating. By the time, I opened my eyes, my friend *Ese was calling my phone; eight missed calls and lots of PING on my bbm (Blackberry messenger). I decided to call back immediately,

“Hey, girl. What’s up?” I said yawning.

“Ejiro, I am so sorry. I guess you are still on bed. Please, I need your advice,” She said.

“It’s okay, I am up now”. “I hope no problem?” I said.

“I am having a second thought about marrying *Osagie” she pulsed for a second and added “I know I will be twenty-seven in December but I don’t think I can handle being a married woman yet.”

What!!! I exclaimed. “How can you say this, when it only two weeks or less to your wedding?” I asked quickly sat upright to focus on our conversation.

Ese and I were childhood friend, we met in secondary school and have kept in touch ever since, we are more like sisters. We lost contact while we were in the university but met again in Lagos when I moved down to find a job. At first it was weird relating with her after so many years gone by but we did catch up on our present lives and were close again. A year ago, she met Osagie; to me he was a cool guy, reserved, focused and hardworking compare to my out-going and grooving friend, Ese.  Like every relationship they did have their ups and downs and sometimes I was caught in the middle.  Osagie finally proposed to her on one of their regular outing and I was so happy for them.

I cannot understand how you can accept someone’s marriage proposal when you don’t think you understand the contracts of marriage and commitment.  She later explained to me that somethings he does irritates her, that he was scattered, boring etc the list was long. She said, she did notice all these irritating qualities but was pressurized into marriage by her family and peers.

I was shocked at her last statement. “At twenty – six you are still not ready for marriage, when will you be ready?” I asked.  And she said, “I don’t know, I am just so scared of going into this marriage. I still want to discover myself.”

I began to assume that Ese’s disfunctional marriage status of her siblings was affecting her decision to marry Osagie. Ese is from a family of four siblings, she is the last child in her family. Her eldest brother was already divorced and had moved back to Nigeria to start afresh, her eldest sister,*Vwede have been away from her husband for over six years because he was living in Canada, every time she tries to go visit him in Canada something must come up to prevent her trip and her husband has never held his five years old son in his hands.

What possible advice can I give to her, would I not be blamed for this, and what if this is a test to see if I was really jealous of her? I could not quite figure out why she had decided to tell me of her fears, she should have spoken to her parents and seek for their advise or better still spoken to Osagie directly about them.

How does a lady know it’s time for her to get married? At what age is okay for a lady to be married? What kind of pressure could a lady be going through that pushes her to agree to a marriage proposal? Too many questions and no answer.

I decided to ask my married friends (female) this question and 92 per cent of them said “you just know or you feel in your heart.”

By the following week Ese and Osagie called off their wedding.  Ese is still single and according to her enjoying her life. As for Osagie I heard he is engaged to someone else. I wish Ese the best in life.

*Please note that the names in the story are not real names except mine.

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Categories: My Thoughts | Tags: | 4 Comments

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4 thoughts on “The Age Factor

  1. okpor

    Nice piece you got there..There is no age factor when it comes to marriage, you get married when you are convinced you are FULLY ready, not under pressure of any sort.. Remember it is an institution you CANT graduate from (except divorce)..So it is better you get it right before entering than to enter and live in regrets for the rest of your life..note that before you bring out reasons why the other party is not suitable to you, ask yourself,”am i suitable for him/her ?…You make yourself right first, before you look for the “right” person. so get yourself ready, not looking at the age, but at the “set time” so that it will be ” And they lived Happily Ever After”….

  2. Rosie

    Nice contemporary article. You did d right thing by allowing her make her own decision. Someone once told me dat even when u feel that someone is d right person for you,no one is always very sure.There is always fear and doubt.Sometimes u’ve gat to take a leap of faith.

  3. Akinola yetunde

    Well i tink she did the right tin becos marriage is a life time contract and wen u feel u are not ready for it u should not go into it no matter the pressure

  4. Mercy

    Nice read!!! I thank God that Ese realized on time that she wasn’t ready for marriage than for her to be in a marriage and be miserable. There is no right age that stress when women should get married. Sometime, it works for people to get married early but sometime it doesn’t. The decision to get married at whatever age depends on the lady as far she is matured enough to take the next step of her life……………………….

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