My Letter to You

I have thought really hard about this topic, today, wondering if this should be a topic I should talk about or just keep mute on it.

Yesterday, as I was trying to handle my daily work pressure, I decided to scan through Facebook via my blackberry and a status update on my friend’s page caught my attention.

Stephens’ FB update read, “I got this SMS from my friend last night but I’m still struggling to respond. Please help. “My girlfriend caught me cheating for the third time last night and threatened to break up with me. I got angry and slapped her twice. She started crying and drove home. Today she sent a text message saying she was sorry. I don’t know if I should forgive her. She over-reacted!”

Wow!!! Was my first reaction, I couldn’t and still cannot comprehend what charm or juju was working on this chic that made her to apologies to her weak boyfriend after beating and cheating on her. Was it because of the less population of good men (as most ladies think that men are scarce) or did she think she can never love again or her boyfriend was her first ( you know what I mean) or they have made a blood oath (which Africans hardly do)?

Maybe, age was not on her side, whatever are reasons are did she not hear about the late Titilayo’s case where her husband, Kolade Arowolo stabbed her to death (from beating to killing her). Like the pidgin proverb says, “Na from clap dem dey enter dance”.

I remember being in that position seven years ago, something when I look back at how it all began, it breaks my heart. Lucas was a good man (I still want to believe so), intelligent, Christian, quiet and a family-friend.When, the first incident happened I was so shocked because I never once expected it from him or saw him as a woman-beater. I never told anybody because I was ashamed of myself, most of my friends thought I had the perfect relationship and I did not want them to think otherwise. He begged me for weeks, brought me lots of gifts and then I forgave him and we got back together.

But, then it happened again and that was when I spoke out and people told me that a break-up would destroy or kill him. I decided to keep quiet about my intentions for months, traveled out of Warri and that was how, I was able to end my relationship with him through the phone and of course he did not take it lightly (very long story).

It became tough for me to deal with it after the ordeal. I never wanted to be left alone with a guy anywhere and I began to withdraw from guys especially the ones that portray any form of violence.

Talking about this something doesn’t help heal the wound or the scar it has made in my life, it sometime reopens it.

I spoke to a friend that actually beat his ex-girlfriend years back and he said, she insulted him and at that time the only reaction that came to his mind was to slap her, which he did. According to him, they were in a heat of an argument about him not meeting his responsibility as her boyfriend and she insulted his ego by saying, ‘He was not man enough to even buy her recharge card but expected her to call him’ (laughing).

Like, I told my friend it wasn’t worth beating her and he should imagine someone was beating his sister or cousin or female friends like that and if it would be okay with him.  Please, don’t get me wrong, I am not saying his ex had the right to insult him or what she said was right at all but why make her your punching bag, was it to show her who is in charge?

Sometime, we ladies have issues sha!!! We worry about everything in our relationship all the time, from; ‘He hasn’t called me, Why didn’t he take me to the movies today, My friend’s boyfriend bought her a new blackberry, you too must buy one for me, I need money to fix my hair, I want to buy this shoe, I need some money, Why didn’t you call me before going to bed, Don’t you want me to look pretty and of course the MAIN worry; When would you propose?’

Seriously, ladies such things only make you have high blood pressure, if he doesn’t take you out to the movies, go yourself or with your girlfriends, spend your money if you have to look good not for him but for other potential spouses (as long as you are not yet engaged or married to him sha), marriage is not arranged by man but by God, just live in faith and believe that our wedding date is coming.

I remember when I was planning to break up with my ex and most of my friends advised me to pray for him to change that he was a good man. What good man would raise his hands to beat a lady? Sometimes, we have been so confused by religion or Christianity that we use it to avoid making the right decisions. God performs miracles for us in all situations but always take the right step by running away for the guy first while you are praying for him far away from you.

People change sometimes but you might not be the one to change them or they might not change because of you. Today, my ex is married with a son and from what I hear they are happy *wink*.

Kevin, please pass this message to your friend’s girlfriend (soon-to-be ex), “My dear fellow lady, life is too short for you to live in pain both physical and emotional. There are many good men out there searching for you and one already have your name tag, runaway from this guy, he would do it again and even worse. Love is free and is the most beautiful feeling on earth, yours’ is not in this guy but on someone else, you are not too old but only growing wiser, you would love again this promise I make for you. Have fun, develop yourself – academically and spiritually, make good friendships, laugh and most importantly PRAY!!!

Yours Sincerely Fellow Lady,

E.I.E.G
  *Please, note the names in this story are fictional except Kolade Arowolo